torchwoodteaboy | [RL WITH SULU]

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[RL WITH SULU]

Ianto lay in his bed upstairs, a book laying face down on his chest. He had been trying to read for the better part of an hour, but had found himself drifting more often than not, and on the third read-through of the same page he'd given up and just put it down. And he'd been drifting since then as well, not really awake enough to be doing anything other than just lying there, not really tired enough to really go to sleep. More and more each day, while no one else was around, he found himself in this sort of a state, a sort of standby mode that was disturbing in the fact that it didn't really bother him. That nothing really bothered him anymore, because he really couldn't dredge up enough energy to be bothered about it.

He brought a hand up to his face, running it across his eyes. He...he couldn't keep lying to himself like this. At first he thought it had simply been his imagination, that things were just progressing slowly, that was all. For all that he had worried that things wouldn't get better, he had hoped that they would, Sulu continuously helping him be optimistic in that fact, and so the fact that he was going backwards, now, getting worse, it... It was crushing. And he had no idea what he was going to do about it. No idea. The even worse fact of the matter was that he was slowly convincing himself that there was nothing to do about it. That he'd never get better. That it was too late, and he couldn't do anything about it now even if he tried. Which was the mindset he kept spiraling down and dragging himself out of as it approached that time when Sulu would be making his appearance for the night.

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Sulu nodded slowly, understanding Jack's situation better than he would have expected. He'd abandoned Gwen when Ianto'd died - sure, he'd done it in theory to come help Sulu cope, but they all knew that Jack had considered the Enterprise a pit stop between him and anywhere but here. But he could understand the guilt Jack was experiencing.

"It'll work out," he said quietly. "You mean a lot to Ianto and I'm sure you mean a lot to Gwen as well. They'll forgive you, and you'll forgive them. But..." Sulu paused, then fixed a pressing, serious look to Jack. "I don't think you did anything wrong, here. Any of it. Like I told you before, I don't blame you for wanting to leave, and if things hadn't worked out like this..." He looked to Ianto, sleeping between them and not knowing that the two of them were still up and talking, "I would have been tempted to get dropped off along the way."

Jack shook his head, sadly. "I... I'm not sure that running away would have solved anything, really. But it would've been a whole hell of a lot easier than having to come back and deal with all of this without him. Because I can't. I can't just start rebuilding Torchwood, rebuilding the Hub, sifting through his archives, going to restaurants we'd gone to together, living in the city without him. It's bad enough that Stephen--..." Jack trailed off, shutting his eyes and turning his head to press his face into Ianto's hair for a moment.

"It's bad enough sticking around, knowing what I've done to Alice, what I've done to Stephen. But having to stick around, without him, knowing what happened to him... They're my team, Sulu," he said, softly, fiercely. "They were my team, my first team that I ever hired as the leader of Torchwood. And they've all died, one way or another. Everyone except for Gwen. What does that show about my qualifications as a leader? If... If I can't fix him, if we can't do something about this...then what hope is there?" He looked up at Sulu. "I don't want him to ever have been right about just being a blip in time..."

"It doesn't mean anything about your qualifications, Jack. You work in an exceptionally hostile environment and these things happen. Unless every other leader of Torchwood kept their teams alive for decades longer than you, you shouldn't be letting your record get you down, okay?" Sulu was sincere but firm, his grip tightening a bit on Jack's arm. "There are risks in Torchwood, and that's just how it is."

He knew Jack had to know that. It was obvious, really, that it was the logical assumption about Torchwood. But he also knew that Jack was attached to everyone on his team, that he thought of them like family. But that was all right as well. It was how you defined a good leader. "And we will fix this. We will."

Jack took in a long, deep breath, and let it out slowly. Very, very slowly, trying to channel all of the negativity he was feeling in that moment out with it. He'd had psychic training, emotional training, he knew the right steps to go about in order to make himself feel a little better, a little less overwhelmed with it all. And so, as he let out that breath, he felt a little better, infinitely glad of the reassurances that Sulu seemed to be a never-ending supply of. "Yeah..." he said, quietly, softly, after a moment, managing the smallest of smiles at the other man. "Yeah, we will."

He shifted for a moment, getting more comfortable as he positioned himself against Ianto, finally able to let himself relax now that he was feeling a little better about their situation. "Well. I'm going to be sticking around for a little while longer. Just...y'know. Just because. Don't let me keep you up, or keep you from doing whatever it is that you want to be doing right now," he said. "Big day tomorrow, after all..."

Nodding at Jack's comment about the big day, Sulu gently moved himself away from Ianto, having put his communicator down on the dresser earlier out of habit. He'd need to get in touch with McCoy, which would mean he'd need to tag his message to make sure McCoy got it as soon as possible.

Sighing, he took to pacing as he organized a message and sent it out, waiting for a response. He paused to smile at Jack, briefly. "I'm glad you're staying, though," he offered, even as his communicator beeped, indicating a new message. That had been quick... "Ianto will appreciate it, even if you have to leave before he gets up."

Jack raised an eyebrow at the messages that Sulu was sending and receiving, but he figured the other man would tell him about anything that might be important that the two of them said. He trusted Sulu, and that trust was well-earned, as far as Jack was concerned.

"Yeah, well," Jack said, shrugging as much as he could, with Ianto's head on his shoulder. "He did say that I made a pretty good pillow. Far be it from me to deny him one more night of being comfortable. <I've got no idea what your med bay is like, on that ship, after all. When I was with the Agency, that sort of thing was all over the chart--anywhere from a normal hospital bed, to nothing better than a sheet over a metal tray, so." "And besides," he turned his head to look down at Ianto as he slept. "Who knows how long McCoy's going to want to keep him. I'm pretty sure that, regardless of how nice the beds are there, I doubt that the good doctor's going to take all that kindly to me climbing in bed with Ianto while I'm there, or anything like that... I'd rather not get banned from being able to visit, if I can help it."

The only reason Sulu didn't give Jack a play-by-play of the conversation was because he wanted to avoid telling Jack all about how annoyed McCoy was at him for not bringing this to him from the start. At least, with the way this was going, he could tell McCoy was really going to help, and he'd want to as soon as possible.

"McCoy's pretty good about these kinds of things," Sulu said after a moment of typing a response back, smiling sympathetically at Jack. "The medbay is comfortable enough, and if Ianto's looking well enough, I doubt he'd do much more than make faces and lecture you for a bit about climbing in with him. He wouldn't ban you, though. You'd have to be detrimental to his health to get kicked out." Or really obnoxious.

Jack chuckled softly, moving to run his hand through Ianto's hair again, the other man being completely oblivious to everything that was going on, everything that was being said around him as he slept. "Well, Lieutenant," he said, a lot more subdued than he would normally be joking, but joking nonetheless, "I know that I may be a heartthrob, but as far as I know, I've never put anyone into cardiac arrest just by paying them a visit, so I think that I might be in the clear, there."

He shook his head. "That is good to know, though. That I'd actually have to try to get myself kicked out. Lectures and the lot, I can handle. I've dealt with Doctors like him before. I'd just rather be able to leave on my own time, than tossed to the curb because of something as simple as climbing in bed with him." He turned his head to smirk softly at Sulu. "Don't think there's enough room for the three of us in one of those, however, so if you want some quality time with the pair of us, now's as good as any." Depending on how things went, there might not be another time, anyway. No, Jack shook himself from that thought. He was going to look on the bright side here. He was going to take Sulu's word to heart, and not worry as much about this, damn it, because Sulu's optimistic idea on it all sounded so much better than his own.

Sulu made an affirmative noise, too busy trying to decide on the best way to tell McCoy about how Ianto had died. He didn't want to tell him, he didn't want to even think about it. So, he mentioned the videos and tried to put them from his mind.

"I'm sure he's going to want to see Ianto tomorrow morning," he said after he cleared his throat, looking over to Jack. "He's just berating me for bringing someone back from the dead." Like anyone could really judge him for it, though. He was doing exactly what he was used to doing; fixing things, doing the impossible and winning in a no-win situation. "And now that he's getting an idea of the situation, I don't think he'll mind either of us spending a lot of time in the medbay."

Jack nodded. "No? That's good, then. I mean, it's one thing for Ianto to be treated on the Enterprise, but it's another thing for him to be stuck there without any visitors allowed. I mean, it was bad enough he was stuck here, with just the pair of us. I suppose at least as long as he's getting treated, though, it doesn't matter too much..."

Jack ran a hand through Ianto's hair again. "It'll be nice to at least have you on board the ship with him, though. I mean. I'll be here, and getting a hop over won't be all that easy, but. You'll at least be there, a lot closer than you usually are, in case something comes up. There'll at least be one familiar face around, and everything." Jack sighed, resting his head back against the headboard. "God, the things we've been through in the past few months... If we don't all get a break after all of this is over, I'm going to be royally pissed off..."

"I'm thinking about swinging for shoreleave on some tropical planet. Hawaii tropical," he added, as though there were a difference between tropical areas. Still. It'd be nice to get just a few days to unwind, to step back from everything that had happened and just breathe for a few minutes. He wondered if Jim would let him take Jack and Ianto along, should they happen to find anything - but he wasn't sure how that was going to go over quite yet. He'd have to work on that one though.

Finally, he sighed and went back to the bed, climbing back in under the covers and taking one of Ianto's hands in his own. "But it looks like McCoy is ready to help us beat this. I'll probably get lectured some more, but it'll be worth it to get Ianto back in good health."

Jack chuckled, understanding why Sulu had felt the need to specify which kind of tropical he'd be getting. "Yeah, Hawaii tropical would be a nice vacation, I'd say go for it. If you ended up somewhere more like the Philippines tropical, however..." He shook his head. "Good luck with that. I've had enough of those types of planets to last me a lifetime, and let me tell you, they're a lot more trouble than they're worth. The natives are some of the nastiest buggers that you'll ever have to deal with, and believe me, I'm not normally one to discriminate, here."

He sighed as Sulu settled back into the bed with them, feeling the mattress shift under his added weight. Once more, he was glad that Ianto had such a large bed that they could all fit on comfortably. It was a nice change, from the bunker that he was used to having for the last century or so, under the office in the Hub. "Then... The pair of you will be off, tomorrow morning, then," he said, going over it all in his head. "I hope for your sake that McCoy saves it for a rainy day, or something. None of this is your fault, least of all the fact that Ianto let it get this bad before telling us..." He sighed, still not very happy with that fact.

"Think you'll be getting to sleep soon, then?" he asked. "Lots to do, tomorrow, especially if the good doctor is going to launch into a mini tirade about bringing people back from the dead and how much risk is involved in that or whatever it seems like he's already preparing to toss at you, when you get there."

Sulu shook his head slightly, looking over and up at Jack from his place in the bed. "Honestly? I probably won't be getting much rest until I know that something can be done for Ianto. The bed was comfortable and the company was good, but Sulu just wasn't in any mind to get to sleep yet. He was still trying to come to terms with the things that had happened in the past few hours. He hadn't expected any of this, not in the slightest, and it was giving his brain a bit of a workout trying to make it all fit into place.

He wondered if he'd ever make sense of it all. Things had moved faster than he'd imagined, from Ianto's death to now, and he was still feeling a bit as though the world was moments from dropping out from under him. And that space in his chest... "It doesn't really go away, does it?" he asked quietly, "The feeling of loss. Even if it was only temporary this time, I can still feel how I felt when it happened."

Jack bit his lip for a moment, trying to contemplate how best to answer that question, before finally just shaking his head. "No... No, it doesn't. Not really. I mean. We're lucky in this case, because the end didn't end up being the end, but." He sighed, silently, before shifting to turn and face Sulu a little better, Ianto's head shifting on his shoulder but that didn't matter because he'd be out like a light for a good long while now, and even before this, Ianto had been a decently deep sleeper, especially when he knew that he wouldn't have to wake up in the middle of the night and be alert and ready for something.

Jack reached a hand across Ianto, resting it on Sulu's shoulder, regarding him quietly over the top of Ianto's head for a moment. "...this was the first time for you, wasn't it?" he asked. "To lose someone." From the way that Sulu was asking him that...god, he probably hadn't even lost any distant relatives before, let alone someone as close to him as Ianto, someone that...well. Someone that he loved, like Jack could see that he loved the other man.

It wasn't strictly true, that he'd lost nobody before. He'd lost family members, but there was something different between the mourning for someone you'd grown up knowing, a grandmother who didn't live with you but came over all the time or a cousin you met once or twice who died in the line of duty, and the grief he'd felt when he lost Ianto. The fact would have disturbed him, if he didn't understand that the feelings he had for Ianto were much more intense, much different from the feelings he had for family.

"Everything about this is my first time," Sulu said with a slightly dry tone, and it was true. He'd never felt like this for somebody, too used to casual relationships to have realized what he was getting in to when he met Ianto, and he'd never lost somebody so suddenly like he had Ianto. The whole damned thing was new and strange, but it didn't matter. He loved it anyway.

He quirked an eyebrow at Sulu, regarding him closely. "Well, I should imagine a lot of this is a first for you. I mean. It's a first for me and believe me, I have lived long enough to have a lot of things happen to me over the years." He gripped Sulu's shoulder for a moment longer, before letting it go, not wanting to keep it there for too long, knowing the other man wasn't as physical as he was. He didn't move his hand away completely, though, instead moving to rest it on Ianto's chest.

"You're doing a pretty good job of handling things, from where I can see, though," he said, softly. "I mean. You sure as hell handled today a lot better than I could, as you might have been able to have guessed. Handled my issues with all of this a lot better than I would have, if I was in your shoes. ...I'm going to end up owing you quite a lot, when this is all over, I've come to realize," he said, shaking his head and smiling softly, warmly at the other man.

Sulu shook his head. "I'm really good at bottling, is all," he said, smiling despite himself. "I'll work through my frustration later, probably in the gym on the ship." He knew that if anything more happened, he'd probably lose it, so he could only hope Ianto would be a little more honest with what was going on with him. Otherwise, he wasn't sure he'd be able to handle it.

He trusted Ianto, though. Despite this, he trusted him, knowing logically that Ianto had just been trying to make him and Jack happy. He knew that the other man wouldn't hold anything back now that he knew how much Sulu and Jack wanted to help him, and though he was by no means completely at ease with any of this at the moment, he could hold off on lecturing Ianto for those reasons. "You won't owe me anything," Sulu said, smiling a little.

Jack shook his head. "You may think that you don't, but I know better. You...you're a good man, Sulu. And you've probably done more for me than I could have ever imagined, ever hope. And yeah, maybe it wasn't for me specifically, but it was for Ianto, and for that... For that, I am so, so grateful. I'm." He sighed. "I'm no good at some of these things. I fly off the handle, let my emotions get the better of me."

He turned his gaze to look at Sulu once more. "I'm not saying that bottling is good. Bottling is kinda what ended us up in this situation, at the moment, at least with the fact that we could've done something sooner if not for bottling. But. I'm lucky to have you around, kid," he said, fondly, "and so is he." He nodded to Ianto. "Things might be pretty bad now, and hell. They might even get worse. But." He nodded. "You've got hope, and so...when," Jack had to force the word out, because he wasn't sure he quite believed it yet, "when he gets better, I'm going to try my best to make sure that...that nothing, even remotely as bad as this ever happens again."

"I'm only as good as the company I keep," Sulu said with a smile. He knew that holding it all in wasn't the best idea, but it was the most useful tactic in this situation. And as long as Jack was willing to try and be hopeful, Sulu would be able to put aside any of his misgivings for the moment and help those beliefs stick with the other man.

"When Ianto gets better," he repeated, nodding a little. "But... Jack. If something like this happens again, you need to know that it won't be your fault. Don't do something rash," like kick Ianto out of Torchwood, "Just because you want to keep him safe. All right? Like putting him in a bubble or trying to lock him in his flat. We both know that will end badly, if past experiences tell us anything."

Jack brought up a hand to run across his face. He knew that he couldn't try to put Ianto in a bubble, or lock him in his flat, or fire him from Torchwood or any number of things that he wanted to do, to keep Ianto safe. Because the fact of the matter was that he wanted to keep Ianto happy too, and if he did that...well. Ianto would not be happy with him at all.

"I know..." Jack said, quietly. "He just... He makes it so difficult, sometimes. Like. Like today, like now. He pushes himself too hard. And I'm all for him trying his best, but he doesn't just stop there... I'm not asking him to be a quitter, I'm just... Especially with Torchwood things, if something's potentially deadly or dangerous, he's going to have to stand back let me handle it. Because even if I die, I come back, always will. But we can't keep bringing him back like this. If... If it even works more than one time. He's got to understand that...that we can't lose him again. Not for a very long time."

Sighing, Sulu fixed Jack with a steady look, shifting to get a better position to do so. "Then you need to talk to him about it. When he gets better, you need to say that to him, and if he tries to argue, you need to listen." He smiled and reached his free hand to pat the one Jack had left on Ianto's chest, lightly. "He'll understand if you communicate with him, and if he doesn't... then we can look into plastic bubbles."

He wasn't serious about it, but all the same - if Jack told Ianto that he needed to step back and let Jack take point whenever he could, that their situation was a unique one and that this sort of thing couldn't happen again, and that he needed to trust Jack to be able to handle things and help him - if he didn't understand all that, or refused to listen to reason, Sulu would be stepping in and telling him to listen. He knew that Jack and Ianto didn't have the best conversational track record, and he knew that needed to be fixed, but it wasn't all Jack's fault. If that hadn't been clear before, it sure as hell was now.

Jack chuckled at that, feeling better about the situation not only because of Sulu's reassurances, but because of the hand on top of his own. He really was a tactile person, and a reassuring touch did absolute wonders for him, even now, when things were really pretty trying for Jack, having someone there for him, in support of him, it... It was a good feeling. "I can definitely try talking to him, but you might have to sit on him to make him stick around and really listen to me while I do," he joked.

Truthfully, though, he was going to have a talk. He was going to have a talk with Gwen too, when things settled down. Maybe Ianto could talk her into listening to him. They needed a full team, they needed the three of them together if they were going to even think of picking Torchwood up off the ground. And they were going to have to establish some rules as well. To try and keep the less resilient of the three a bit safer, if it was even possible, Jack didn't really know. But before that, Ianto was going to have to listen to him. They were going to have to talk, not only about Torchwood, but about the pair of them, about Ianto himself. And that was a talk that Jack wasn't sure Ianto would really wanted to have.

"He'll listen though. Eventually. It's probably not going to go all that smoothly, and there will probably be an argument, but. He knows that the way he does things isn't helping. And...well. It really would be a shame to stick him in one of those bubble things," he said, shutting his eyes, a smile spreading across his face. "I really don't think I want to be putting up any more barriers between us than we already have, y'know?"

Though Sulu himself wasn't particularly interested in physical contact as a means of comfort, he did understand its uses and, more than that, he knew that it was something Jack appreciated. It was hard not to figure that out after spending so much time mourning with him.

"You could always use handcuffs," Sulu offered as nonchalantly as possible, though the act was broken by the grin that spread across his face moments later. "But I can understand that. Not wanting to have any more barriers." The truth was that both of them made it hard; Ianto withheld information while Jack left at the first sign of getting upset. He could understand both of those methods, but for Ianto and Jack... their relationship needed a little more talking. Especially after everything that had happened... "I think you both will want to start talking to each other, after all this."

Jack snorted at the handcuffs comment. "Don't tempt me," he said, with a smile at Sulu's grin at him. He shook his head, leaning it back into the pillows and thinking about Sulu's next words, however. "I know that we'll want to start talking to each other. We've probably wanted to start talking to each other for a while now. It's not the wanting that's the problem, though. It's the actual succeeding in it..."

He turned his head to look at Sulu, smiling gently. "You're a brave man for putting up with the pair of us, Sulu. We don't exactly make it easy to deal with us, that's for sure." He moved his hand beneath Sulu's, gently brushing the other man's hand with his own. "I'm sure Ianto and I will get over ourselves after this, though. Although if we don't, feel free to lock us in a room or something until we do." He chuckled, softly. "I'd leave the handcuffs on the outside, though. You do want us to be talking, after all."

"Okay, no handcuffs. But I'm going to hold you to that. If you don't get things a little more settled between you two, I'm going to find a place to lock you two in." Sulu felt Jack's hand move against his and shifted, putting his head against Ianto's shoulder once more before gripping back at Jack's hand. Not tightly, but enough to show that he didn't find anything wrong with the motion.

Maybe normally, he would be a little thrown off by the motion, but things were different now. Sulu was never one for holding hands, or hugging, or anything like that really - but he knew that Ianto was surprisingly tactile for a man who rarely initiated that sort of thing, and Jack hardly hid the fact himself. And since lately it seemed like he was the one who was trying to support the other two, touching was hardly going to stay an issue with him.

[RL WITH SULU]

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