torchwoodteaboy | [RL WITH GWEN]--forward dated to tomorrow night

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[RL WITH GWEN]--forward dated to tomorrow night

Ianto took in a deep breath as he walked down the hallway to the door to Gwen's flat, shifting the pizza box he had with him nervously in his hands. He cold tell that something was wrong, with the way their conversation had gone the night before, and he honestly wasn't surprised if she was angry at him. They needed to talk to each other, needed to get back in touch. Things had been so out of sync since he'd died and come back, and he hadn't been able to see her, hadn't been able to talk to her as much as he would've liked.

It was sort of a norm for everyone to be a little angry at him at that moment. No one had really gotten over him keeping secrets from them yet, and so adding Gwen to the list wasn't a major leap. He really did value her friendship, was interested in how her life had gone in the last month, and wanted to at least try and see if they could mend whatever it was between them that had been broken. So, with Gwen's favorite pizza in hand, he reached her door, steeled himself for any sort of reaction that she might throw at him, and knocked.

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Gwen had been in defensive mode for so long that it was hard for her to get out of it, even for Rhys at times. Having Ianto there was something jarring to her. It'd been so long since she'd seen anyone other than Rhys or her mother or other assorted people that really didn't matter in the scheme of things...

The offer made her blink, and for a moment, there was a tiny wry smile that curled her lips before it disappeared behind the rim of the mug she'd been drinking from.

"I'm alright. No more morning sickness, thankfully and not showing yet, either, but it shouldn't be to much longer for that. Rhys hovers about when he's home or at the Plass with me so I'm ready to have him out with Banana more often again."

There's a tiny flicker of that smile again, but it was fleeting.

"... you've been ill, haven't you? I lost track of you recently. Jack and Sulu hide you away, I assume?"

Alright, that tiny flicker of a smile was definitely promising, too. It meant that she wasn't completely opposed to the idea of him being there, at least. Although he had a feeling that if she didn't want him there, she's just make him leave. Gwen had always been pretty strong-spoken in her opinions, after all.

"That's good," he said. "No more morning sickness, that is. I... I can imagine how Rhys might be getting, though. He cares, but it's his caring that's ready to drive you up the wall, yeah?" Gwen was right, he had been ill recently. And he knew exactly how it felt to have someone there that cared a bit too much sometimes, it seemed.

He lowered his eyes at the question, though. "Yeah, I... I have been," he said honestly. "I... I'm not sure that it's that they hid me away, or more that...well. I couldn't really get away, even if I wanted to. I was in my flat for most of the time, up until a week or so ago, before yeah, they did whisk me away. But, I..." He sighed. "Actually, that's one of the reasons that I wanted to come and talk to you. About...well. What's been going on with me, for the past month, or so."

Gwen's gaze dropped to the mug near her hands, or the plate, or the pizza box; really anything that was safe to look at. Jack had commented that he'd thought she'd known how Ianto was doing, what with them being friends and all, but she hadn't known. Maybe it was her fault for being too busy to even look at the network or maybe it was because deep down she was still furious at all of them for disappearing when she needed them, but both reasons were selfish and while she knew she was a selfish one, she'd never been keen on admitting it.

"No one told me. I had no idea."

He kept his eyes lowered as she said that. Because...she was one of his best friends. She should have known about this. She should have been one of the ones filled in on it as soon as it'd happened. But the fact of the matter was that he hadn't told Sulu about not feeling better, he'd passed out in front of him. And only because of that had Sulu forced him to tell Jack before they were off and looking for medical help on board the Enterprise.

"I'm sorry," he said, quietly. "I... I should have told you. I... I really should have. I just. You. You seemed a little weird about the whole me coming back from the dead thing, I. I didn't want to bother you any more than I had to. I... I didn't want to worry anyone, really, so. I didn't mention it until it was almost too late." He held up a hand. "And I know, that's a stupid reason, believe me. I just. I wasn't thinking straight. I couldn't."

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I... I didn't mean to fall out of touch. I just. I was asleep. Almost all the time. And when I was awake, I didn't... I didn't think. You could've called, though, Gwen," he said, finally dragging his eyes up to look across the table at her.

She knew well enough how he was. She was the same way, after all, and she was just about to say something along those lines when his latter comments stilled her. Expression hardening, she leaned back in her chair, chin tipping up in an expression Ianto should know well.

"So sorry, Ianto. Been a bit busy myself."

Ianto did indeed recognize that expression, and it made him regret saying that last bit, but. It was true. Sure, he hadn't filled her in on it all. But she hadn't asked. Not that he was blaming her for it, he really couldn't blame anyone else, least of all her, but. There was a little voice in the back of his head that kept pointing out that he wasn't entirely to blame, there.

"I know," he said, his voice and his eyes lowering again. "I know you have been. I'm..." He chewed his lip. "I'm sorry that you were left alone like that, Gwen. I... I really am. Jack, he. He doesn't think straight sometimes, you know that, and I..." He sighed. "I wasn't in the best of positions to think straight either."

She knew he wasn't to blame. In fact, in her mind, the fault lay squarely on Jack's shoulders but that was beyond the point at the moment. What mattered was that Ianto was there and she was well aware of how quickly she could feel the argumentative side of her personality that had been showing up a good deal lately slipping into place.

"Jack doesn't think at all and he's not exactly a safe subject to bring up around me lately."

Ianto looked up at her with guarded eyes. "I... I know he hurt you, Gwen. And you have every right to be angry with him. Hell, you have a right to be angry with me too. But... I can't just avoid him because of that. I can't just ignore the fact that the two of you haven't been getting on and just leave it at that. It's ignoring things like that that got me into most of the trouble that I've been in recently. I..."

He sighed. "I'm not going to try and sway you on this. It's Jack's job to make you trust him again. But. Please don't be angry at me for bringing him up. I...he's important to me. You're both important to me," he said, softly, forcefully. "I... I can't be taking sides on this, Gwen, I really can't."

Before he could continue, she shook her head to cut off anymore discussion on the subject. Torchwood had a way of affecting the people involved with it, as Gwen had learned in her time there, but she never imagined it would make her so very bitter. What seemed like an almost permanent frown etched itself on her usually cheery face as she reached for the pizza box.

"Fine. I won't."

Ianto frowned back at her. He didn't like how things had turned out. He didn't like how most of it, he had had absolutely no control over the way it turned out, either. That there wasn't just one overarching apology he could make to fix everything, make it the way things'd been before. He'd just...have to work his way back, he supposed. And hope that she didn't end up hating him too, rather than warming back up to him completely.

"It's your favorite," he said, as she reached for the box. "The pizza, that is. I... You looked busy, so I thought that you might be hungry as well."

Of course he'd known. He'd always known how to take the best care of them without them even knowing. Her hand faltered for a moment before she settled it flat on the box. Her stomach might be grumbling but the little show how just how much he was still part of her life as one of her best friends was more important at the moment.

"... you were always go bloody good at that. How'd you take care of us for long?"

Ianto bit his lip, shrugging at her. He wasn't sure exactly what she wanted him to say, so he decided that, well. Why not just go for the truth. "Honestly, sometimes I don't know how myself. It wasn't like you all made it very easy for me, especially not after..." He sighed. "Not after Lisa, and all."

He fell silent for a moment, really thinking about it, before speaking up again. "I suppose it's because I just wanted to make you all happy. There's plenty wrong with our lives, with our job. I thought...well. I like you. All of you. And really, I wasn't the tech specialist, or the doctor, or the PC, or the captain. I was just... I am just--... Well, just Ianto. That's. That's what I do." He smiled at her, softly, repeating the first words she'd probably ever heard uttered about him. "Clean up after you and get you everywhere on time. And...remember your favorite pizza toppings, as the case may be."

She knew just how hard his job had been with them. After all, they'd never been a easy bunch to deal with. For a long moment, she watched him with guarded eyes before some of the tension faded from her body. Smiling faintly, she shook her head a tiny bit before her hand reached to snag a piece.

"... 'just Ianto'. Some of us never saw you like that, you know."

He smiled softly back at her. He didn't want to be digging for her to continue what it was that she was saying, but at the same time... He couldn't say that he knew that, not really. Because he didn't know. Not in any large capacity, beyond a simple thanks for a coffee or finding a file for them or anything like that.

"I had reason to believe that that might be the case," he said softly, wryly, "but. We at Torchwood have never been very good at communication, especially not between ourselves, so. I... I could never really know for sure, as it were. It... It is nice to know, though."

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[RL WITH GWEN]--forward dated to tomorrow night

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