torchwoodteaboy | [RL WITH SULU]

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[RL WITH SULU]

Ianto lay in his bed upstairs, a book laying face down on his chest. He had been trying to read for the better part of an hour, but had found himself drifting more often than not, and on the third read-through of the same page he'd given up and just put it down. And he'd been drifting since then as well, not really awake enough to be doing anything other than just lying there, not really tired enough to really go to sleep. More and more each day, while no one else was around, he found himself in this sort of a state, a sort of standby mode that was disturbing in the fact that it didn't really bother him. That nothing really bothered him anymore, because he really couldn't dredge up enough energy to be bothered about it.

He brought a hand up to his face, running it across his eyes. He...he couldn't keep lying to himself like this. At first he thought it had simply been his imagination, that things were just progressing slowly, that was all. For all that he had worried that things wouldn't get better, he had hoped that they would, Sulu continuously helping him be optimistic in that fact, and so the fact that he was going backwards, now, getting worse, it... It was crushing. And he had no idea what he was going to do about it. No idea. The even worse fact of the matter was that he was slowly convincing himself that there was nothing to do about it. That he'd never get better. That it was too late, and he couldn't do anything about it now even if he tried. Which was the mindset he kept spiraling down and dragging himself out of as it approached that time when Sulu would be making his appearance for the night.

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Ianto smiled as Sulu mentioned Greece, finishing his toast and going to pick up his mug of tea, taking another sip. The endorphins or whatever it was in the tea that made people feel good drinking it, Ianto couldn't remember exactly, were certainly doing their job, and Ianto was having no trouble letting himself relax further into their conversation, not really forgetting that Jack was on his way and that things were going to change just as soon as he got there, but the rush of good feelings pushing all of that negativity to the back of his head. Yeah, he could see why Sulu had thought to bring this tea along to have.

"I'm not sure that Greece is really the first place that I'd think of going, anyway. Too much sunlight for a Welshman like me," he said, smiling slightly. "I'd probably crisp in the heat, or something. But...yeah. Starting out small, like with trips out to the market, trips into town, that sounds good to me. I promised you a movie, after all..." Hopefully, someday, he'd be able to get to one and stay awake through the whole thing enough to enjoy being there with someone else. It was amazing how much his goals and interests changed, as soon as he couldn't do anything anymore, after all. As soon as he'd found someone that didn't mind the mundane, who might actually make it enjoyable and enjoy it himself as well...

"What," Sulu asked with a grin, "They don't have sunscreen in this century?" He could tell that the tea was having a good effect on Ianto. Even though he knew that as soon as Jack showed up it would all be shot to hell for at least a little while, he couldn't help but hope that this would hold over for just a little longer. Jack was going to be impossible to deal with, and Sulu had a sinking feeling that he was going to have to step in at least once during his talk with Ianto, but for now, he could focus on Ianto and him acting as though nothing was really wrong.

Despite how silly it was to act that way, it was still nice to pretend. "But still, you're right. I think we can settle on a movie for now, and leave all the globetrotting for later on."

Ianto quirked an eyebrow. "Very funny," he said, although he was smiling a little as well. "They do have sunscreen, but there's only so much sunscreen can do for me, and I've got about an hour in the sun before I start to burn. You have noticed that the sun rarely comes out for more than an hour at a time here in Cardiff, haven't you? There is a reason why all of us Welsh are so wonderfully pale, after all, and it's not just genetics."

"So long as we don't go camping in the Beacons anytime soon, I'll be more than willing to do just about anything. Although...yeah. Starting out slow, with a movie or something, that'd probably be best. Quiet night in, and all." He shook his head, smiling. "You know, I'm pretty sure that there was a time when I thought that things like that were boring. It's different when I've got you around, though," he said, absentmindedly. "It seems more exciting, in the fact that it's all new to you."

"Fair enough," Sulu said, shaking his head, "Not that I mind. You'd probably look good with a permanent sunburn blush, but I think I'm okay with keeping you pale and Welsh." Not that he really had any choice in the matter. But still, he couldn't help but think about other places that they could go, places with less sun and surf and more... tolerable weather conditions. San Francisco continued to come to mind and he realized that really, that was the best place to go. Of course, it'd have to wait... But Sulu could be patient. There was still plenty for them to do here, in Cardiff.

He knew vaguely of Ianto's experiences when it came to camping and so he nodded, grinning a bit. He actually enjoyed camping; that outdoorsy sort of stuff was something he could do pretty well. He ducked his head a little at Ianto's comment, though, smiling at it. "Yeah, well... movies and home cooked meals and supermarkets aren't really that unfamiliar to me - they're not the same, here, but... I've missed it. Starfleet isn't really big on mundane tasks, after all. And..." And, after thinking Ianto wouldn't be around for it to happen again... He could still feel that hollow space in his ribs, even now when they were trying to restore normalcy, and it made him want those mundane things all the more.

Ianto laughed a little, shaking his head back at Sulu. "Say what you want about me looking good like that, I think I'd just look like I was sunburned, that's all. Nothing special. And you can get the same permanent blush look if we end up going somewhere cold as well. I'd much prefer having to bundle up than crisping in the sun," he said, with a shrug, "but that's probably just the Welshman in me, there."

"I'd imagine that the Enterprise didn't frequent local grocery's at all, no," he said, with a smile. And with all those mouths to feed, the replicator seemed like the best and easiest option to do that. Still. Nothing beat something cooked specifically for you. Ianto wasn't the best of cook's, but he'd lived alone enough to know his way around, and made a mental note to cook for Sulu, the next time he could. Ianto was definitely interested in the fact that Sulu missed all of those little things, though. He seemed to love his job, love the excitement, when it was exciting, the living the moment to it's fullest and all that.

"And...?" Ianto prompted, as Sulu trailed off, not really following Sulu's train of thought. He hadn't been the one to be left behind this time, after all. He knew what it was like to feel that way, had done so on multiple occasions, but it wasn't fresh in his mind at that moment, so he didn't automatically make the jump like he might have done.

Sulu didn't want to ruin the mood the tea had helped them restore, but the first thing to come to his mind was to tell Ianto just how badly he'd taken his death. How the world had stopped and he'd shut off until Jack had forced him to face it like a man - how he still could feel that part of him that'd been hurt, and how the revelation tonight had only made it more noticeable.

But he couldn't do that. Unlike Ianto's health, Sulu was sure that if he just ignored it, it would go away. It had to, because there was no reason for him to keep feeling like part of his world had disappeared. So he just shook his head and smiled quietly. "And I'll have you to do them with," he said instead. "So it'll be that much more worth it."

Ianto, oblivious to the fact that what Sulu had responded with and what he had thought initially were different at all, smiled back at Sulu, softly, but with a warmth to it that wasn't just an effect of the tea (although it was helping the emotion come to the surface, there). "It will be worth it," he said. "I can't honestly guarantee that every night in will be all that interesting, or exciting in any way, especially not to start off with..." Ianto didn't know how fast he'd recover, if...when they fixed what it was that was wrong with him. "But... It's better than nothing, yeah? And I do like having you over, after all."

Ianto had almost forgot that Jack was to be making his way over, in favor of the conversation that they were having at that moment. With this tea lifting his spirits, it was so much easier to just ignore everything that had been going on lately, and for these few minutes, Ianto enjoyed that luxury. "You're going to have to help me make them less boring, though, these nights in. Think you can manage that?" he asked, quirking a little sideways smirk at the other man.

Sulu, on the other hand, was very much aware of the fact that soon enough, Jack would be coming in, and if this went the way he figured it would, they would have to be ready to calm down (and possibly chase down) Jack. He couldn't help but feel sorry for the other man; Sulu would have to be on Ianto's side purely because Ianto was too sick to defend himself properly, but in all honesty he would understand Jack's reaction more than he understood Ianto's reasoning.

Still. This playful banter, talking about the future, making plans and just acting normal was too much to give up easily. He grinned and shrugged at Ianto's comment, bringing his mug up to his mouth again. "I think I can do something about that, yeah," he said, his grin turning a little sly.

Ianto raised an eyebrow at Sulu's grin, gripping his mug in both hands as he looked over at the other man. He liked that grin on Sulu's face. He liked the other man being proud and sly and confident. It was attractive. It...usually made Ianto very attracted to him. His sex drive did its best to try and spark even the slightest bit, but no sooner had it stirred than it rolled over and sank even lower than before. "Oh?" Ianto prompted, trying to keep his mind off of the fact that he couldn't really even flirt right at the moment.

And really, some of the variability in his moods in the last month or so had come from the fact that aside from a gentle kiss here and there, Ianto...really hadn't had any contact from anyone in the whole time. Not really. Not like he used to. Even Jack, he treated him like he was going to break. And...maybe he was, if he couldn't even summon up enough in him to flirt correctly. He tried to shake himself out of that train of thought, though. It wasn't helping anyone, least of all himself.

He raised his mug again, taking a large gulp of the tea, and instantly feeling a lot better. "I really hope that it's not possible to become addicted to this tea," he murmured. "I could definitely get into the habit of drinking it, if it works this well all the time..."

Even though they were going through the motions of flirting, and even though Sulu... well, even with Ianto sick as he was, Sulu still wanted to be intimate with him. But the fact was that Ianto was sick, and he looked sick, and after thinking for a few terrifying days that he would never so much as get to see Ianto again, he was honestly content enough to just take what he could for now. It didn't mean he didn't want to try and flirt with Ianto - it just felt cheap. He didn't feel like flirting. He felt like wrapping his arms around Ianto and never letting go.

So, he ignored the baiting and instead said, "It's not addictive, exactly. I definitely wouldn't say we should be drinking it every day, though." After all, it was something that made you feel good - and it was a well known fact that too much of a good thing could be bad.

Ianto didn't really think much of Sulu not rising to the challenge of flirting back with him. His heart wasn't really in it either, and just because he missed it didn't mean that they had to start right that minute. There was the fact that Jack would be in shortly to shake up whatever it was that they would be talking about, whatever mood they might have at the time, and so it was probably for the best, anyway, that they didn't get too involved in whatever it was that they were talking about in that moment.

Ianto looked down at the tea, nodding. "Yeah, I can see how that might be the case, with this stuff. It's probably the same as all mood enhancers, really. Still. It is nice to have every once and a while, though. Especially now..." For both of them, really. Like he'd said before, like he'd say over and over again, he really didn't want to worry the other man, didn't want to hurt him, so anything that would take away from the fact that he'd...well. He'd messed up. That he'd withheld information he really should've shared the minute the symptoms had appeared. Anything that would take away from that was definitely appreciated by Ianto. He knew that Jack wouldn't be quite so kind and understanding as Sulu was being at the moment, after all.

Sulu smiled. "Yeah, especially now." Because he knew what Ianto was thinking, at least somewhat - things were at their all-time low right now, and a pick-me-up was the only thing keeping them from going down with the rest of this ship. Well, that and their stubbornness.

"As long as it has some kind of positive effect on you, though, I'll make it for you every couple of weeks. I'd do it every day, but I'd like you to feel good without tea." He laughed, "The coffee maker would get jealous." And really, it'd be better for Ianto to learn how to be happy on his own, without Sulu's tea to help. Not that he thought Ianto didn't know how to be happy - it was just... that Ianto always seemed to put himself off of it.

It didn't help that situations like this happened, and that they both had to prepare for Jack's arrival. At least they could hope the tea would help them with that.

Ianto smiled at the comment about the coffee maker, sending a look over to it, smiling gently. "I think it's already jealous right now, as it is," he said, shaking his head. "I haven't been using it near as much, lately, and now here I am sitting and drinking tea in front of it. I suspect I'll have to talk it into working for me again, when I can finally put it to good use once more," he said, amused.

It's right, they were waiting for Jack. But Ianto tried not to focus on that, finding it easy to ignore because of the tea. "I'd like that, though," Ianto said. "I'm not really one for tea, but. If drinking this a bit more regularly helps keep me from be too depressing sometimes, I'll gladly drink a cup every couple of weeks, or something. I know how I can get, sometimes, after all. Anything that can help keep me from being as much of a downer as this does is definitely worth at least keeping in the books, if nothing else," he said, shrugging.

"It's all right, though. You've been doing better." Well. Ianto had been doing better, before the 456. But right now wasn't so bad an attempt at being happy either, even if the tea was playing a role in that. And hopefully, when he got better and was able to go out again, this sort of attitude would return in full force. He was depending on that hope, right now - that Ianto would be more optimistic when he got better, and that Ianto would get better at all.

"And really, it doesn't matter how depressing you are. I'm with you in spite of all that, you know." He smiled at Ianto. "I don't mind having to put in the extra work to make you feel better about yourself and life in general."

Ianto smiled down at the table, keeping his eyes low. "I don't really think you'd still be here with me at the moment if that weren't the case. You not minding about having to put in the extra work, I mean." Because, if...no, when he got better, that didn't mean that all of his moods would go away. He'd get a lot better, that was for sure. But...he'd still died. Things were going to be a little different form what they'd used to be, regardless, because of that.

He shook himself out of it, not wanting to focus on that too much. He'd liked how things had been going, before all of this had happened. Regardless of how inevitable it was, he didn't really want things to change all that much. He supposed it was up to them, though, in the long run. How the two of them dealt with it all.

...he realized belatedly that he'd fallen silent for a bit too long, and brought the mug up to drink a little more, laughing softly. "Sorry. Apparently this tea doesn't save you from introspection, I guess..." he said, smiling apologetically from over the mug, gripping it in both hands as he looked across at Sulu.

"You'd be surprised with how hard you are to resist, Ianto," Sulu said, coyly but truthfully. Ianto was more than just a bad mood away from being too much to handle, or anything like that. He was worth every moment of self-doubt and worry and frustration Sulu could possibly have over him.

"And no, it doesn't really. It just helps make the inward gaze a little less scrutinizing." Neither of them were safe from being caught in that trap right now, after everything that had happened, but at least it wasn't making the conversation any worse. "Just remember that everything is going to work out."

Ianto blushed at the initial statement, lowering his eyes to the table but smiling slightly at it nonetheless. He knew logically that there had to be some sort of reason why Sulu and Jack put up with him, and he didn't think it was just the Welsh charm or anything like that. He knew what he felt for the other two, as it were, and he knew that they felt something equally as strong back, so. It was almost overwhelming, to be the center of such attention as that. "I guess I must be doing something right, there," he said, shooting his own version of coy honesty back at the other man. "There's certainly something that's got to keep you putting up with me, and as nice as the suits are, I'll bet that that's not it," he said, with a smile.

At the mention to remember that it was all going to work out, though, Ianto nodded. "I... Yeah. I really hope it is," he said. "First thing's first though...is Jack." He took in a breath. "He's not going to take this very well. At all, really. I...I feel like I should apologize for him in advance, or something. He. He just gets worked up, is all. It makes him pretty hard to reason with, when he gets emotional, and everything..."

Sulu held up a hand, shaking his head. "You don't have to apologize for him. I know how he's going to react." After all, Sulu himself had felt irrational and angry when he'd found out. He'd also bring it up again later on, when things were better suited to serious conversations like that. But Jack... he knew Jack wouldn't give Ianto that sort of leeway. And he shouldn't. After everything that had happened between the two of them, the fact that Ianto still kept secrets from Jack was frankly mind-boggling. Sulu could understand why Ianto had thought it would be a good idea, but to know that Ianto loved Jack and still hid things when he probably knew it would be smarter to be upfront...

"One thing's for sure," Sulu said, frowning slightly as he looked at his tea. "We're going to have to work on your communication skills, because this sort of situation can't happen again. You can't do this to either of us."

Ianto blushed, ashamed this time, keeping his eyes low as Sulu spoke. He knew that Sulu was right, and he was expecting a more formal reprimanding on it later on, after he had gotten better, after he was out of the clear and the other man felt more comfortable with letting him know exactly what he'd done wrong in that situation. "I know," he said, quietly. "And...I am sorry. I really am. I... You have every right to join in with Jack, and I won't keep you from that, but. I do appreciate the fact that you've offered not to."

"I..." He sighed, idly turning his mug in his hands. "We'll talk about it. Later. After... After all of this. We'll...we'll figure it out. See what needs fixing. See what I can fix on my own, and what I might need help with. But... I know. It's not fair to either of you. And I'm sorry about that."

Sulu knew that Ianto was sorry, and he really didn't like the fact that he still felt the slightest bit angry with him, considering he'd decided already to hold off on scolding him until he was better. But it wasn't anything he could help; all he could do was stick to his word and worry about Jack's reaction more than his own. He didn't say it was okay, though. He didn't even acknowledge the apology; it was an honest one but Sulu didn't need it right now. Later, yes, but not now.

"We'll figure it out. It's not like you did this out of spite. You just..." Sulu sighed and smiled softly, a little sadly, reaching out to put a hand over Ianto's. "You need to realize that you don't have to do things on your own. Jack and I care about you, Ianto." More than Ianto probably would ever know, at least when it came to Sulu. "If you need help with something, if you're worried or upset about something, you can tell us. At the very least, tell us so we don't have to do this again."

Ianto moved, putting his other hand over-top Sulu's hand over his, keeping his eyes lowered, knowing that he'd more than messed up in this situation. "Yeah, I... I'll tell you. I'll try to change things. Fix things. I..." He swallowed. "I really didn't mean for things to get this bad. I. I don't know, I wasn't thinking straight. I couldn't think straight, I..."

And that's when he heard it, a car door outside the front of his flat. He wasn't sure where the car had come from that Jack had been driving, but then again Jack probably owned cars, owned flats and houses that he just never used because he'd lived at the Hub, had the SUV, not needed the connection to the outside ever since he'd taken over Torchwood Three. Ianto tensed, bringing his eyes up to look at Sulu across the table. "...shit," he said, softly. "I... I'm not ready for this. I'm really not ready for this..."

Sulu's hand tightened over Ianto's, squeezing reassuringly. "I know," he said, "I know you aren't, but the sooner he finds out, the easier it'll be for everyone. I won't feel comfortable carting you up to the Enterprise without him knowing about it." He wondered if he should go get the door for Jack - then he realized he probably had a key. It would make the most sense, really.

Still. Was there any way he could prepare Jack for this, so that maybe they could keep him from becoming too upset too quickly? He couldn't think of anything. The fact that Ianto was going to be telling him instead of fainting on him first would be a step up, at least. With a sigh, Sulu took up both of their mugs and stood, moving back to the kettle. "I'll fill your cup up. You'll probably need it."

Ianto nodded, listening as Jack made his way to the door, the keys jingling as he pulled them out of his pocket to unlock it. "Yeah, thanks," he said, quietly. He knew that he needed to tell Jack. He wouldn't be comfortable just up and disappearing on him without telling him what was going on, especially not... Especially if things didn't work out in his favor. If they got worse before they got better. Still, though. He wished that it wasn't going to be as difficult to do as he knew that it was.

Jack let himself into Ianto's flat, closing the door behind him and locking it before looking around. He saw movement in the kitchen, so he automatically went for that. "Alright," he called out, making his way down the hallway, taking off his coat and tossing it over the back of a chair in the living room as he went, "you asked me over, so here I am."

He stepped into the kitchen, observing Ianto where he sat at the table, and Sulu where he stood making tea. "This really couldn't have been said in a phone call? Not that I don't like seeing you, but. 'I need to talk to you' and 'I need to do it in person' are never a good sign."

Ianto bit his lip, motioning for Jack to take a seat next to him. "No, I... I don't think it could. I'm not. I'm not sure over the phone is exactly the way for you to find out."

Jack's eyes narrowed. "Find out? What do you mean, find out?" Ianto paused in answering him, and so Jack looked between Ianto and Sulu, noticing the way that Sulu was acting obviously meant that whatever it was that Ianto wanted to say, the other man already knew. "Alright, Ianto. What's going on? You're worrying me, here."

Definitely not off to a good start. He understood that Ianto was nervous, worried about how Jack was going to take the news that he wasn't better, that he was getting worse, but stalling wasn't going to make anything easier. He sighed and shook his head, picking up Ianto's mug and putting it in front of the other man, looking at Jack briefly with a sort of sympathetically annoyed face that indicated he was definitely not liking this any more than Jack was.

He didn't want to step in or say anything, but it was clear that Ianto wasn't going to be saying anything without a gentle nudge or something, and so Sulu sat himself down in one of the chairs and nudged his leg with his foot, giving him a firm look to get it over with.

Ianto saw the look that Sulu sent him, registering both it and the nudge as a, well, a nudge to get on with it. He knew that he wasn't helping anything by stalling like he was, but. He hadn't been kidding when he'd told Sulu that he really didn't want to do this, that he wasn't ready. That he had absolutely no idea how to break the news to Jack, and certainly not in any good way.

"Nothing's... Nothing's 'going on'. Well. Nothing that hasn't been for a while now. I mean. Nothing new. Well. No. Alright, there are some new things, but--"

"Ianto," Jack said, cutting him off of his rambling, "what's going on?"

"I'm sick, Jack," Ianto blurted out, wincing. "I know that you know that, but. I haven't been exactly all that honest with you. About my recovery. And. Well. And about how it's going. Because I didn't want to make you angry, but. I... I can't walk anymore without passing out, so. I mean, it's not like I really have that much of a choice, anymore. I have to--"

"You what?" Jack asked, cutting him off again.

"I've..." Ianto swallowed. "I've... I've been passing out. Every time I try to walk. I mean. I've been dizzy, before. But it's never been as bad as this. I didn't... I had hoped that it was all in my head. That I was just taking a really long time to get better, that that's why it seemed like I was getting worse, but then today..."

Jack's eyes widened, his hands gripping the table, knuckles white as he shook his head, looking at Ianto in disbelief. He felt a chasm opening up in his chest, and his heart slowly sinking down into it with each word that Ianto said, listening to him stumbling through his explanation, his stomach starting to fill with lead. "...you. You've been lying about this? The whole time?" he asked, his voice soft, incredulous.

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