torchwoodteaboy | [RL WITH SULU]

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[RL WITH SULU]

Ianto lay in his bed upstairs, a book laying face down on his chest. He had been trying to read for the better part of an hour, but had found himself drifting more often than not, and on the third read-through of the same page he'd given up and just put it down. And he'd been drifting since then as well, not really awake enough to be doing anything other than just lying there, not really tired enough to really go to sleep. More and more each day, while no one else was around, he found himself in this sort of a state, a sort of standby mode that was disturbing in the fact that it didn't really bother him. That nothing really bothered him anymore, because he really couldn't dredge up enough energy to be bothered about it.

He brought a hand up to his face, running it across his eyes. He...he couldn't keep lying to himself like this. At first he thought it had simply been his imagination, that things were just progressing slowly, that was all. For all that he had worried that things wouldn't get better, he had hoped that they would, Sulu continuously helping him be optimistic in that fact, and so the fact that he was going backwards, now, getting worse, it... It was crushing. And he had no idea what he was going to do about it. No idea. The even worse fact of the matter was that he was slowly convincing himself that there was nothing to do about it. That he'd never get better. That it was too late, and he couldn't do anything about it now even if he tried. Which was the mindset he kept spiraling down and dragging himself out of as it approached that time when Sulu would be making his appearance for the night.

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Ianto laughed a little, shaking his head back at Sulu. "Say what you want about me looking good like that, I think I'd just look like I was sunburned, that's all. Nothing special. And you can get the same permanent blush look if we end up going somewhere cold as well. I'd much prefer having to bundle up than crisping in the sun," he said, with a shrug, "but that's probably just the Welshman in me, there."

"I'd imagine that the Enterprise didn't frequent local grocery's at all, no," he said, with a smile. And with all those mouths to feed, the replicator seemed like the best and easiest option to do that. Still. Nothing beat something cooked specifically for you. Ianto wasn't the best of cook's, but he'd lived alone enough to know his way around, and made a mental note to cook for Sulu, the next time he could. Ianto was definitely interested in the fact that Sulu missed all of those little things, though. He seemed to love his job, love the excitement, when it was exciting, the living the moment to it's fullest and all that.

"And...?" Ianto prompted, as Sulu trailed off, not really following Sulu's train of thought. He hadn't been the one to be left behind this time, after all. He knew what it was like to feel that way, had done so on multiple occasions, but it wasn't fresh in his mind at that moment, so he didn't automatically make the jump like he might have done.

Sulu didn't want to ruin the mood the tea had helped them restore, but the first thing to come to his mind was to tell Ianto just how badly he'd taken his death. How the world had stopped and he'd shut off until Jack had forced him to face it like a man - how he still could feel that part of him that'd been hurt, and how the revelation tonight had only made it more noticeable.

But he couldn't do that. Unlike Ianto's health, Sulu was sure that if he just ignored it, it would go away. It had to, because there was no reason for him to keep feeling like part of his world had disappeared. So he just shook his head and smiled quietly. "And I'll have you to do them with," he said instead. "So it'll be that much more worth it."

Ianto, oblivious to the fact that what Sulu had responded with and what he had thought initially were different at all, smiled back at Sulu, softly, but with a warmth to it that wasn't just an effect of the tea (although it was helping the emotion come to the surface, there). "It will be worth it," he said. "I can't honestly guarantee that every night in will be all that interesting, or exciting in any way, especially not to start off with..." Ianto didn't know how fast he'd recover, if...when they fixed what it was that was wrong with him. "But... It's better than nothing, yeah? And I do like having you over, after all."

Ianto had almost forgot that Jack was to be making his way over, in favor of the conversation that they were having at that moment. With this tea lifting his spirits, it was so much easier to just ignore everything that had been going on lately, and for these few minutes, Ianto enjoyed that luxury. "You're going to have to help me make them less boring, though, these nights in. Think you can manage that?" he asked, quirking a little sideways smirk at the other man.

Sulu, on the other hand, was very much aware of the fact that soon enough, Jack would be coming in, and if this went the way he figured it would, they would have to be ready to calm down (and possibly chase down) Jack. He couldn't help but feel sorry for the other man; Sulu would have to be on Ianto's side purely because Ianto was too sick to defend himself properly, but in all honesty he would understand Jack's reaction more than he understood Ianto's reasoning.

Still. This playful banter, talking about the future, making plans and just acting normal was too much to give up easily. He grinned and shrugged at Ianto's comment, bringing his mug up to his mouth again. "I think I can do something about that, yeah," he said, his grin turning a little sly.

Ianto raised an eyebrow at Sulu's grin, gripping his mug in both hands as he looked over at the other man. He liked that grin on Sulu's face. He liked the other man being proud and sly and confident. It was attractive. It...usually made Ianto very attracted to him. His sex drive did its best to try and spark even the slightest bit, but no sooner had it stirred than it rolled over and sank even lower than before. "Oh?" Ianto prompted, trying to keep his mind off of the fact that he couldn't really even flirt right at the moment.

And really, some of the variability in his moods in the last month or so had come from the fact that aside from a gentle kiss here and there, Ianto...really hadn't had any contact from anyone in the whole time. Not really. Not like he used to. Even Jack, he treated him like he was going to break. And...maybe he was, if he couldn't even summon up enough in him to flirt correctly. He tried to shake himself out of that train of thought, though. It wasn't helping anyone, least of all himself.

He raised his mug again, taking a large gulp of the tea, and instantly feeling a lot better. "I really hope that it's not possible to become addicted to this tea," he murmured. "I could definitely get into the habit of drinking it, if it works this well all the time..."

Even though they were going through the motions of flirting, and even though Sulu... well, even with Ianto sick as he was, Sulu still wanted to be intimate with him. But the fact was that Ianto was sick, and he looked sick, and after thinking for a few terrifying days that he would never so much as get to see Ianto again, he was honestly content enough to just take what he could for now. It didn't mean he didn't want to try and flirt with Ianto - it just felt cheap. He didn't feel like flirting. He felt like wrapping his arms around Ianto and never letting go.

So, he ignored the baiting and instead said, "It's not addictive, exactly. I definitely wouldn't say we should be drinking it every day, though." After all, it was something that made you feel good - and it was a well known fact that too much of a good thing could be bad.

Ianto didn't really think much of Sulu not rising to the challenge of flirting back with him. His heart wasn't really in it either, and just because he missed it didn't mean that they had to start right that minute. There was the fact that Jack would be in shortly to shake up whatever it was that they would be talking about, whatever mood they might have at the time, and so it was probably for the best, anyway, that they didn't get too involved in whatever it was that they were talking about in that moment.

Ianto looked down at the tea, nodding. "Yeah, I can see how that might be the case, with this stuff. It's probably the same as all mood enhancers, really. Still. It is nice to have every once and a while, though. Especially now..." For both of them, really. Like he'd said before, like he'd say over and over again, he really didn't want to worry the other man, didn't want to hurt him, so anything that would take away from the fact that he'd...well. He'd messed up. That he'd withheld information he really should've shared the minute the symptoms had appeared. Anything that would take away from that was definitely appreciated by Ianto. He knew that Jack wouldn't be quite so kind and understanding as Sulu was being at the moment, after all.

Sulu smiled. "Yeah, especially now." Because he knew what Ianto was thinking, at least somewhat - things were at their all-time low right now, and a pick-me-up was the only thing keeping them from going down with the rest of this ship. Well, that and their stubbornness.

"As long as it has some kind of positive effect on you, though, I'll make it for you every couple of weeks. I'd do it every day, but I'd like you to feel good without tea." He laughed, "The coffee maker would get jealous." And really, it'd be better for Ianto to learn how to be happy on his own, without Sulu's tea to help. Not that he thought Ianto didn't know how to be happy - it was just... that Ianto always seemed to put himself off of it.

It didn't help that situations like this happened, and that they both had to prepare for Jack's arrival. At least they could hope the tea would help them with that.

Ianto smiled at the comment about the coffee maker, sending a look over to it, smiling gently. "I think it's already jealous right now, as it is," he said, shaking his head. "I haven't been using it near as much, lately, and now here I am sitting and drinking tea in front of it. I suspect I'll have to talk it into working for me again, when I can finally put it to good use once more," he said, amused.

It's right, they were waiting for Jack. But Ianto tried not to focus on that, finding it easy to ignore because of the tea. "I'd like that, though," Ianto said. "I'm not really one for tea, but. If drinking this a bit more regularly helps keep me from be too depressing sometimes, I'll gladly drink a cup every couple of weeks, or something. I know how I can get, sometimes, after all. Anything that can help keep me from being as much of a downer as this does is definitely worth at least keeping in the books, if nothing else," he said, shrugging.

"It's all right, though. You've been doing better." Well. Ianto had been doing better, before the 456. But right now wasn't so bad an attempt at being happy either, even if the tea was playing a role in that. And hopefully, when he got better and was able to go out again, this sort of attitude would return in full force. He was depending on that hope, right now - that Ianto would be more optimistic when he got better, and that Ianto would get better at all.

"And really, it doesn't matter how depressing you are. I'm with you in spite of all that, you know." He smiled at Ianto. "I don't mind having to put in the extra work to make you feel better about yourself and life in general."

Ianto smiled down at the table, keeping his eyes low. "I don't really think you'd still be here with me at the moment if that weren't the case. You not minding about having to put in the extra work, I mean." Because, if...no, when he got better, that didn't mean that all of his moods would go away. He'd get a lot better, that was for sure. But...he'd still died. Things were going to be a little different form what they'd used to be, regardless, because of that.

He shook himself out of it, not wanting to focus on that too much. He'd liked how things had been going, before all of this had happened. Regardless of how inevitable it was, he didn't really want things to change all that much. He supposed it was up to them, though, in the long run. How the two of them dealt with it all.

...he realized belatedly that he'd fallen silent for a bit too long, and brought the mug up to drink a little more, laughing softly. "Sorry. Apparently this tea doesn't save you from introspection, I guess..." he said, smiling apologetically from over the mug, gripping it in both hands as he looked across at Sulu.

"You'd be surprised with how hard you are to resist, Ianto," Sulu said, coyly but truthfully. Ianto was more than just a bad mood away from being too much to handle, or anything like that. He was worth every moment of self-doubt and worry and frustration Sulu could possibly have over him.

"And no, it doesn't really. It just helps make the inward gaze a little less scrutinizing." Neither of them were safe from being caught in that trap right now, after everything that had happened, but at least it wasn't making the conversation any worse. "Just remember that everything is going to work out."

Ianto blushed at the initial statement, lowering his eyes to the table but smiling slightly at it nonetheless. He knew logically that there had to be some sort of reason why Sulu and Jack put up with him, and he didn't think it was just the Welsh charm or anything like that. He knew what he felt for the other two, as it were, and he knew that they felt something equally as strong back, so. It was almost overwhelming, to be the center of such attention as that. "I guess I must be doing something right, there," he said, shooting his own version of coy honesty back at the other man. "There's certainly something that's got to keep you putting up with me, and as nice as the suits are, I'll bet that that's not it," he said, with a smile.

At the mention to remember that it was all going to work out, though, Ianto nodded. "I... Yeah. I really hope it is," he said. "First thing's first though...is Jack." He took in a breath. "He's not going to take this very well. At all, really. I...I feel like I should apologize for him in advance, or something. He. He just gets worked up, is all. It makes him pretty hard to reason with, when he gets emotional, and everything..."

Sulu held up a hand, shaking his head. "You don't have to apologize for him. I know how he's going to react." After all, Sulu himself had felt irrational and angry when he'd found out. He'd also bring it up again later on, when things were better suited to serious conversations like that. But Jack... he knew Jack wouldn't give Ianto that sort of leeway. And he shouldn't. After everything that had happened between the two of them, the fact that Ianto still kept secrets from Jack was frankly mind-boggling. Sulu could understand why Ianto had thought it would be a good idea, but to know that Ianto loved Jack and still hid things when he probably knew it would be smarter to be upfront...

"One thing's for sure," Sulu said, frowning slightly as he looked at his tea. "We're going to have to work on your communication skills, because this sort of situation can't happen again. You can't do this to either of us."

Ianto blushed, ashamed this time, keeping his eyes low as Sulu spoke. He knew that Sulu was right, and he was expecting a more formal reprimanding on it later on, after he had gotten better, after he was out of the clear and the other man felt more comfortable with letting him know exactly what he'd done wrong in that situation. "I know," he said, quietly. "And...I am sorry. I really am. I... You have every right to join in with Jack, and I won't keep you from that, but. I do appreciate the fact that you've offered not to."

"I..." He sighed, idly turning his mug in his hands. "We'll talk about it. Later. After... After all of this. We'll...we'll figure it out. See what needs fixing. See what I can fix on my own, and what I might need help with. But... I know. It's not fair to either of you. And I'm sorry about that."

Sulu knew that Ianto was sorry, and he really didn't like the fact that he still felt the slightest bit angry with him, considering he'd decided already to hold off on scolding him until he was better. But it wasn't anything he could help; all he could do was stick to his word and worry about Jack's reaction more than his own. He didn't say it was okay, though. He didn't even acknowledge the apology; it was an honest one but Sulu didn't need it right now. Later, yes, but not now.

"We'll figure it out. It's not like you did this out of spite. You just..." Sulu sighed and smiled softly, a little sadly, reaching out to put a hand over Ianto's. "You need to realize that you don't have to do things on your own. Jack and I care about you, Ianto." More than Ianto probably would ever know, at least when it came to Sulu. "If you need help with something, if you're worried or upset about something, you can tell us. At the very least, tell us so we don't have to do this again."

Ianto moved, putting his other hand over-top Sulu's hand over his, keeping his eyes lowered, knowing that he'd more than messed up in this situation. "Yeah, I... I'll tell you. I'll try to change things. Fix things. I..." He swallowed. "I really didn't mean for things to get this bad. I. I don't know, I wasn't thinking straight. I couldn't think straight, I..."

And that's when he heard it, a car door outside the front of his flat. He wasn't sure where the car had come from that Jack had been driving, but then again Jack probably owned cars, owned flats and houses that he just never used because he'd lived at the Hub, had the SUV, not needed the connection to the outside ever since he'd taken over Torchwood Three. Ianto tensed, bringing his eyes up to look at Sulu across the table. "...shit," he said, softly. "I... I'm not ready for this. I'm really not ready for this..."

Sulu's hand tightened over Ianto's, squeezing reassuringly. "I know," he said, "I know you aren't, but the sooner he finds out, the easier it'll be for everyone. I won't feel comfortable carting you up to the Enterprise without him knowing about it." He wondered if he should go get the door for Jack - then he realized he probably had a key. It would make the most sense, really.

Still. Was there any way he could prepare Jack for this, so that maybe they could keep him from becoming too upset too quickly? He couldn't think of anything. The fact that Ianto was going to be telling him instead of fainting on him first would be a step up, at least. With a sigh, Sulu took up both of their mugs and stood, moving back to the kettle. "I'll fill your cup up. You'll probably need it."

Ianto nodded, listening as Jack made his way to the door, the keys jingling as he pulled them out of his pocket to unlock it. "Yeah, thanks," he said, quietly. He knew that he needed to tell Jack. He wouldn't be comfortable just up and disappearing on him without telling him what was going on, especially not... Especially if things didn't work out in his favor. If they got worse before they got better. Still, though. He wished that it wasn't going to be as difficult to do as he knew that it was.

Jack let himself into Ianto's flat, closing the door behind him and locking it before looking around. He saw movement in the kitchen, so he automatically went for that. "Alright," he called out, making his way down the hallway, taking off his coat and tossing it over the back of a chair in the living room as he went, "you asked me over, so here I am."

He stepped into the kitchen, observing Ianto where he sat at the table, and Sulu where he stood making tea. "This really couldn't have been said in a phone call? Not that I don't like seeing you, but. 'I need to talk to you' and 'I need to do it in person' are never a good sign."

Ianto bit his lip, motioning for Jack to take a seat next to him. "No, I... I don't think it could. I'm not. I'm not sure over the phone is exactly the way for you to find out."

Jack's eyes narrowed. "Find out? What do you mean, find out?" Ianto paused in answering him, and so Jack looked between Ianto and Sulu, noticing the way that Sulu was acting obviously meant that whatever it was that Ianto wanted to say, the other man already knew. "Alright, Ianto. What's going on? You're worrying me, here."

Definitely not off to a good start. He understood that Ianto was nervous, worried about how Jack was going to take the news that he wasn't better, that he was getting worse, but stalling wasn't going to make anything easier. He sighed and shook his head, picking up Ianto's mug and putting it in front of the other man, looking at Jack briefly with a sort of sympathetically annoyed face that indicated he was definitely not liking this any more than Jack was.

He didn't want to step in or say anything, but it was clear that Ianto wasn't going to be saying anything without a gentle nudge or something, and so Sulu sat himself down in one of the chairs and nudged his leg with his foot, giving him a firm look to get it over with.

Ianto saw the look that Sulu sent him, registering both it and the nudge as a, well, a nudge to get on with it. He knew that he wasn't helping anything by stalling like he was, but. He hadn't been kidding when he'd told Sulu that he really didn't want to do this, that he wasn't ready. That he had absolutely no idea how to break the news to Jack, and certainly not in any good way.

"Nothing's... Nothing's 'going on'. Well. Nothing that hasn't been for a while now. I mean. Nothing new. Well. No. Alright, there are some new things, but--"

"Ianto," Jack said, cutting him off of his rambling, "what's going on?"

"I'm sick, Jack," Ianto blurted out, wincing. "I know that you know that, but. I haven't been exactly all that honest with you. About my recovery. And. Well. And about how it's going. Because I didn't want to make you angry, but. I... I can't walk anymore without passing out, so. I mean, it's not like I really have that much of a choice, anymore. I have to--"

"You what?" Jack asked, cutting him off again.

"I've..." Ianto swallowed. "I've... I've been passing out. Every time I try to walk. I mean. I've been dizzy, before. But it's never been as bad as this. I didn't... I had hoped that it was all in my head. That I was just taking a really long time to get better, that that's why it seemed like I was getting worse, but then today..."

Jack's eyes widened, his hands gripping the table, knuckles white as he shook his head, looking at Ianto in disbelief. He felt a chasm opening up in his chest, and his heart slowly sinking down into it with each word that Ianto said, listening to him stumbling through his explanation, his stomach starting to fill with lead. "...you. You've been lying about this? The whole time?" he asked, his voice soft, incredulous.

Sulu realized that maybe he should have said something to help move the conversation for Ianto, to make it easier for him, but... A part of him admittedly thought that Ianto deserved this sort of situation. He couldn't help it; Ianto had lied to him as well, and he hadn't had time to properly argue about it when it had happened. Jack, however... Jack had every reason to be upset, and he wasn't dealing with Ianto passing out on him at the time, so he could properly react to it.

Still. He knew he had to say something, he just didn't know what. He chewed his lip for a moment before deciding to try and help Jack at least understand that, as bad as this was, it wasn't the end of everything. Ianto wasn't dying all over again, and there was something they could do to fix it. "He passed out on me when we went to come downstairs. I'm going to talk to McCoy and see if he can't help, now that we know there's something that needs helping." He could only hope that, for all of Jack's anger, he would realize that Sulu understood how he felt. The last thing he thought Jack needed at this point was to feel alone.

Jack turned his head to look at Sulu as he spoke, but he whirled on Ianto before Sulu'd even finished, almost not hearing the latter half of what the other man was saying because of what the first few words had been. "You knew that you'd been unsteady on your feet, and you were trying to go down the stairs?" he asked, his voice starting to fill with anger.

Ianto bit his lip. "I... I didn't think it would get worse," he said quietly.

Jack shook his head in disbelief. "All of those times I came in to check up on you, ask you how you were doing. You lied. You lied every single time."

Ianto wanted nothing more than to just sink back in his chair and vanish into thin air. "...I didn't want to worry you," he said. "I've been ill a lot, recently. I. In case this was the end, I. I didn't want you to be upset about what was happening to me."

"...you're feeling like you're going to pass out every time you stand up, and you didn't tell us?" Jack spat at Ianto, the fear that he had for the fact that this was bad, this was really bad, morphing into an intense rage. "What else are you keeping from us, Ianto?!" he raged.

Ianto shook his head. "I...what? I'm not..."

Jack stood up abruptly, his chair scraping loudly against the floor. "Like hell I believe that, Ianto, I know you!" He shook his head, almost forgetting that Sulu was there with them at all. "You're using me, Ianto! You're using me again! And this time Lisa's not around as a convenient scapegoat for your lying, now is she?!"

Ianto took in a quick breath, the flippant mention of her name cutting deep. "You leave her out of his, Jack!" he said, sharply.

When Jack stood, Sulu shifted as though he might get up as well, but he stayed seated. There was that name again, Lisa. He knew only the vaguest things when it came to whoever Lisa was, and he was more and more sure with every passing mention that he didn't want to know. Not now, definitely. And he also could tell that this wasn't the same as that situation, whatever it had been, and that it wasn't worry but anger that was making Jack bring her up.

That wasn't going to help. And what was more - Jack's exclamation, that Ianto was using him, just didn't make sense. Though he found himself wondering, what if Ianto was hiding more from them, what if there was more he wasn't telling them - he couldn't think like that. He couldn't imagine Ianto keeping anything else, not after how upset he'd been about this situation itself and how guilty he felt. Sulu was far too optimistic to think anything less of the other man.

"Jack," Sulu said instead, tone firm, "He's not lying about anything else. This is all he has to lie about. He hasn't even been outside, how could he have anything else to hide?" Sulu realized that was harsh, and maybe it would sting for Ianto, but he couldn't help it. It was the truth. He could only hope it was all true, even the part about him not hiding anything else. "I know you're pissed, believe me, but don't lash out in anger."

"Like hell I'm just going to let this slide, Sulu!" Jack exclaimed, turning his anger on the other man there as well. "He's keeping himself from us! He's hiding and thinking about how this is going to be the end, and I'm supposed to just let it slide?! He knows that we would do anything for him, that we would find any sort of a cure to keep him here. Why the hell would you keep us from helping you, Ianto?" He turned, banging a fist against the wall. "After all this time, I thought that you'd changed. That you'd gotten more honest with me. But you were just conning me the whole way, weren't you?"

"Jack, please," Ianto said. "I... No. It's not like that. I. I mean, I lied to you about this, but. Not. Only this, I... I swear."

"Give me one good reason why I should believe you, Ianto," Jack said. "Give me one good reason why you would hide something like this from us."

"I..." Ianto stuttered. "I didn't want to worry you."

"So you were going to let yourself die instead?" Jack spat. "God, Ianto. I know you're sick, but you're not stupid. Why in the hell did you even think that keeping this from us would have been a good idea? You... Don't you even care about us at all? About me? Or was that a lie, too...?"

"Jack," Ianto ground out, chewing his lip, his eyebrows furrowing as Jack's words cut deep. "You're... You're not being fair."

"I'm not being fair?!" Jack exclaimed. "You weren't even going to tell us, were you?! You were just going to let it all happen, and then if we came here to find you dead again, at least we had this one month where we were fooled into thinking that everything was going to be okay. Is that what you thought? Is it?!"

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